Barcelona, 27 October 2006

She wore the same pair of shoes, the same worn jeans and put the same shining smile on her face. She was in Barcelona once again. she got lost in the crowd, passed unknown tunnels, talked to the same language: humanity...
A cat interrupted her thoughts. Was it stuck somewhere? Possibly. Was it hungry? Most probably. She tried hard to reach its cries, but no luck. Only when she gave in, a little kitten appeared in front of her, hungry: for love...
She got her bike, rode the entire city. A drug-addict was yelling at her, she thought, perhaps yelling at red dragons. She was trapped by the red traffic light. He drove closer and closer. She wore the same shining smile, looked at him in the eye and talked to the same language: humanity...

27 October

When I was a child I would always calculate how old I was going to be in 2000,
For I would finally be a grown up with a strong personality.

Today I turn 28. In 65 days we will welcome the New Year, the year 2007.
7 years will have passed soon since we welcomed 2000.

Now I think how my little world was, when I was a little child...

She and He- Without Love

- I'm in love with you! he cried.
- No, you are not, she replied coldly. "You are in love with the image you've created in your mind. And I'm not her and never going to be."
He was desperate, he didn't get a word of what she was saying.
- I'm in love with what I see in front of me! he protested.
- That's exactly the point, you're blinded by your own vision, you do NOT see me...

A Farewell

He was sure that he was still in love with her.
She was sure that things have changed.
They hugged each other for the last time. They agreed without saying a word.
They were not in love with each other anymore, but they were in love with their moments together in the past. They ceased to exist in their lives long time ago. Except in memories.
The memories were alive, but not love.
She put her coat on and left him.
He stood there still, without saying good-bye, looked at her, looked at all the beautiful memories she took away from him.

Writing

I was flabbergasted. I vacillated. I thought I was much more prudent than before. It was a total catastrophe and it was slowly wearing me down. On one of those days of contemplation, inner calculations and confrontations, I found myself scribbling down. The hypocrisy of the world revolted me. And here I started toying with the idea of writing, exposing my mind to the perceptive individuals, as an attempt to seek refuge in words.

She and Her Green Shoes

It was a story of a young handsome woman with golden hair.
It was a story of a young beautiful woman whose deep eyes were matching her green shoes.
It was a story of those green shoes, one night, having slipped off from her feet and made her walk bare feet on the long, dark yet glamorous streets of an old city.
She walked down those ancient streets with her fragile heart.
She walked into the night with her enormous heart protected by her iron thoughts.
It was a story of a little golden girl who has never escaped but walked directly to his face. She knew she could do it.

Indeed, she was able to do that. And she did.

She said “Good-bye”

In her strong-will, there existed a little child in need of protection.

No, indeed, she wasn’t able to. She could not do and she did not do.

She preferred to say “See you soon”

With tears in her green eyes, with perplexed thoughts in her mind, with strangeness and obscurity at her heart, she was hardly able to utter these words:

"See you soon…"

Old Woman and Her T.V.

She was around 80 years old. Every day she would sit in front of her t.v. and watch the fast-moving images motionlessly. Each time I looked at her, I pitied her, I pitied her life. To me, she was living in vain, without any purpose. Her life seemed nothing but a pure lie that needed to be told.
Ten years have passed since those days and nothing has changed in her life. She is still there watching her old t.v. But me? I feel guilty. I feel like a relentless cynic for having judged that old woman's life so unjustly- in front of my t.v...

Guilty by thought
Guilty of thought

Happy by mouth
Happy at heart.

Life just goes on.

Drama Queen

Yes, I am a true Drama Queen.
Let my show begin!
But first help me to ease my pain.

It was a brief moment, a short flashback to my past made me realized a bitter fact about me. Or to put it more correctly about my life. I was stupidified to find out the fact that all those nightmare-like years were indeed the most beautiful years of my life.

I know, this is all about me. I know this is all about taking my role neatly in life:

Yes, I am a true Drama Queen...
And yes, let my show begin...
But I just don't know how you will ever ease this pain?

A Strange Interview

- Where's your workplace?
- I work in my head.
- What's your job?
- Word engineer.
-Can you explain this to us?
- I build the words carefully to have a beautiful sentence to admire and each beautiful sentence calls for the next level: A paragraph. Then many paragraphs turn into a story, my story. That's how I build my world.
- Right. When can you start?
- I've never stopped it...

Past

A person who has lost his past indeed has lost himself.
A person who lost himself has been dead for long.

Hours

She checked her watch. He is late, she thought. In front of the window, sank in the silence of her mind, she was looking at the dark road curiously. Her mother asked:
-“Is he coming?”
She replied sadly:
-“No...not yet.”
She knew deep in her heart that he would never be back. She looked at the dark road once again and closed the window.

She

She refused to speak. Her words would hurt him. Sank in silence, she stood looking at the river. She had already made her mind; she wouldn't marry him. She knew she wasn't made for that. She refused to be a part of an unreal universe. Her thoughts were interrrupted by the slam of the door.

She felt a great relief in her heart.

The Best Days of His Life

He said these were the best days of his life. She wondered how. How's it possible to utter such words without even having lived half of his life. Lies, she thought. Early, white lies.

Endings in Her Life

She never liked the ending of films. For she has seen many endings in her life: ending of a relationship, ending of a friendship, ending of a lie, ending of a life...