Will you be the same person?

Will you be the same person once I got to know. Will you have the same eyes, same smiles and same crazy ideas? Hope the world enriches you, it fulfills you and be generous to inspire you.

Once you are back, I will see you.

Swept by the Waves

They couldn't resist to change. The waves were bigger than their dreams. They got swept by their tears.

The Violence of Time

It all started as usual. While outside days floated into years, in her world time has stopped. The days were in the past, years didn't come along. When she had the courage to step into outer world, she felt so vulnerable and reached to a point that she couldn't take it anymore. Days stopped floating. The violence of time killed her.

It was just a Memory

It was just memory. Somewhere in your life, you would remember once in a while, smile and forget about it.

Her Memories

Closing her eyes so tightly, she tried to remember. But she couldn't. Nothing made any sense to her, she couldn't even remember who she was. Her memories, her pieces of life weren't there anymore. It was blank. All blank. She opened her eyes and gave up. She knew she was reduced to nothingness. Her existence was only psychical. She reached out to one of the notebooks she was given, by whom she couldn't recall now. There was her name on it. These were her diaries, the only thing left from her past.

Her Story

She kept them waiting reluctantly.

She always chased those unique moments, chose her words carefully to create a story. She wanted a story to be real. That was her story. That was her reality.

It was All Clear

Here we were once again under different skies, in a far-away continent and lost among this strange crowd. You were holding my hand tightly just as usual. My eyes were gazing the crowd, signposts written in a calligraphic language. The noise of the cars were buzzing my ears. Nothing made sense. At all. Except one thing: I was tied to you with thousands of years old feelings. It was all clear to me.

All About Her

It was the silence that told the world all about her more than millions of words that existed. She enveloped herself into this silence that nothing could break.

S-He

She: Is this real?

He: Yes, it is...

She: Do you really exist in my life?

He: I exist in you.

She: I'm living you.

At the Right Time

I met you at the right time in my life: In my past.

The Caribbean Sea

The music of the waves was enchanting. The gray clouds were darkening her skies over the Caribbean sea. Warm, bubbly waves were touching her feet. It was an invitation. Her thoughts followed her feet to the sea. She was at last free.

Stories from Rain

Stories from rain, didn't purify my thoughts. I was still waiting for it to happen. I knew it was close, so close that I almost see it happening.

It nibbled deep down inside. I had to let it go. I opened the window, felt the chilling wind first touching my face then caressing my hair. I closed my eyes to the world outside. But it continued to exist there.

What was Left from Him

She continued to kill him long after he was dead. He was dead but her feelings were there; alive. She tried to kill what was left from him every passing day, repeatedly.

Ghost Feelings

There was nothing to connect them anymore. Ghost feelings wandered by their hearts and drifted their mind. But it wasn't for days, it wasn't for nights, it was only for a few seconds with a blink of an eye. They were connected by memories though..Memories of a short common past which she didn't remember very well now.

Don't Let it Die

Don't let it die, he said. Time was a river. Instead of watching it flow, she was flowing with it. Perhaps it has never been alive? Perhaps it was just a reflection of a dream? Her thoughts grew heavier, she closed her eyes and continued to flow with the river. Nothing did matter, her feelings melted in the water.

He- the Stranger

It was a stranger's smile, she didn't realize. He kept talking to her as if he had known her ages. For her, his words were similar but they failed to reach her.

She smiled apologetically and walked away from him politely. He stood there in the middle of the crowd watching her go. In his mind, He couldn't believe she didn't remember him. She didn't remember all the wonderful moments together. In her mind, it couldn't be him. He didn't have his smile, neither the colour of his eyes.

In outer world, he ceased to be the person once she was in love with. He was someone else, he was a stranger. And his reflection was much more beautiful than him.

Falling Behind

Your words fell over me like rain drops. They refreshed my thoughts, cleared my skies and made me feel easy. But, when I woke up from your dreamy words, I saw the entire world had gone. I fell behind.

Some People

Some people are bound by legal papers, others by invisible ties of their hearts. Why would papers rule over feelings she wondered. She took off her ring, placed it softly on the table and listened to humming words of her heart.

It was You

It was just like any other day until I saw you- again. I wanted to run after you just to catch a glimpse of your face after all these 20 years. Was that really you?

My legs became weak. All my energy was drained. I couldn’t take a step. It must have been you. I was so weak once again just as 20 years ago. I called out your name.

I know it was you. Nobody could make me feel like this, not even ghosts! You slid through my hands once again. I called your name again and again. You didn’t look back. Why didn’t you? I know it was you.

Past and Future

Until now, it has always been tomorrow. Time was water. Seconds became life. Life became death. From now on it will always be the past.

Empty Feelings

After all the pain you caused, you died today in incurable pain. My words are empty, so are my feelings. Your brother waited for you. Your brother cared about you.
Your brother waited for you while he was waiting for his death. You didn't come.
I am happy that your brother no longer awaits you. He will meet you there.

Answer

He was waiting for her answer. She began playing with her hair. She didn’t have any answer to give. She thought he had the answer: Her. She smiled at her naughtily and left him alone among the misty crowd of the café. With her absence he continued to look for an answer. With his absence she continued to smile.

Should I?

Should I stop caring? Should I stop thinking of you once in a while? Should I simply stop writing as you did? You will give me the answer. Or else, I just keep waiting.

Your Words

I know you have long erased me from your life. Our long loving memories turned into a dust in this universe. But, I still wait and I will keep on waiting. Here. In this city. For your words. To arrive.

Coincidence

It was a glimpse of coincidence that made our encounter possible. I looked at him, he saw me. The young man I saw turned into a little boy once I used to know. In the next minutes we were hugging each other as we were those little girl and boy 18 years ago. I was lost in time and he saved me and brought me back to day.

Time

I thought the pain inside me would never cease, it shattered me into pieces.

I thought time would always stand still with your absence. The time had stopped then. Those days were years. All with your absence.

Almost four years have passed.
The years are just some days in the past now.

Underground Readings

I saw her at the underground station. She didn't see me, just as she didn't see the rest of the world. I kept looking at her. She was a young, beautiful woman, looking at my direction in her pitch-dark world. Her brown waivy hair fluttered in the air as the train was fading away from her. Inside the train, I continuted to look at her. While vanishing in the dark, I was so sure she saw if not me, my feelings.

Falling

I tried to catch a hold of your hand before falling into a deep emptiness. You pointed me a wall. I looked at the wall, I looked at you. I just couldn't help falling while my eyes were still on you.

Dream

We ceased to be the persons once we used to be. You and me are not anymore a part of this reality. Now we became a dream; a mid-summer’s night dream.

Me

He looked at me, I stared out of window and watched the beautiful landscape. He talked to me, I listened to my favorite song playing on the radio.
He touched me, it wasn't me anymore.

He

Those feelings were strangers to me. I would never feel those he described, I would never get lost in his eyes the way he did in mine.

And he would never catch my rhyme.

Circles

Existing in a circle, she was surrounded by millions of other circles. All of them somehow connected to her; Some shared some moments with her, the others a life. But neither made her feel embraced. She stood there among all of them, uniquely lonely, but still happy.

Pforzheim Hauptbahnof, Germany

The emptiness of my existence was echoing in my ears. I was neither happy nor sad, I was reduced to nothingness. The further I walked away from Pforzheim Hauptbahnof, the further I became away from the rest of the world. I found myself falling into pieces in an endless emptiness.

60 Seconds with You

In my last 60 seconds with you, I crashed against a wall, I fell in an emptiness, I hit the ground, I was shattered; I was in million pieces. But, still I continued to smile.

Everything was so unreal and you had gone with all my memories.

Roads

The roads I chose, the roads you chose, within the same direction, parallel to one another, yet with different people. I glance at you, I am that close to you and I see you. Yes, it could have been me. She could have been me, but I know you are still that close to me...

The only road we didn't take was words. They remained as the road not taken. Both by you and me.

A Man Without a Name

He had such lovely blue eyes. What did they do to you? Why did you go insane? You needed to talk, I listened to you. You needed to be loved, I kissed you. In the lonely streets of Lisbon, I hope all is well with you.

My Mind

My mind is drifting. I see images flying before my eyes and I can't catch any of them. You are in one of them, but I am far from it. I just can't find myself in any of them.

You

While everything around me was running, I stopped to kiss you.
Even my eyes closed I could feel the entire world spinning around me. Once I stopped, you hugged me and I continued my way. I jumped into the running world where I belonged to.
I found myself running with a sweet taste of your kiss. That made me smile and gave me the urge to look back.

But when I looked back, you were left way behind.

I

I breathe a different air, I am under different skies. The tides of my thoughts take me closer to you. When I return and when you find a different person in me, will you still love me?

Very Strange and Very Familiar

All the world was known and I wasn't familiar. Now I am just one of them...

Me at Her Wedding

While these two people were sharing their secrets, their most special feelings, their memories through a few seconds of glimpses, I was between them. I saw, I felt deeply everything they went through. I whispered into my love's ear: "It could have been you..."

At Her Wedding

She was walking through the aisle of the church with her newly-married husband. With a big smile on her face, she was greeting the guests...All familiar faces; friends, family and relatives were looking at her admiringly. There was only one person looking at her differently and another, that was me, observantly. While she was passing through the crowd, she caught a glimpse of him. She wasn't sure what she saw, she looked at him again. There he was, a man whom she loved once.

Nothingness

She never understood what he tried to say. In the middle of nothingness how could he try to mean something? How?

She

It was a trip to find beauties, but she was constantly greeted by poverty, sadness and hopelessness. The day brought nothing to these lost souls. The day brought a lot to her. For them each day was a day of fight, a day to survive. For her each day was to enjoy. Grasping her some-thousand Euro worth camera firmly in her hands, she saw a little boy smiling at her. Thousands of miles, she thought. No landscape, no monument, nothing was worth this much. Her heart ached and later her camera's shutter release was heard.

He and Me

He was the only person who knew who I was, but he was far, far away. I ran to catch up with time, I ran to catch up with him. I failed. Time continued to fly and I was blinded.
When I finally began to see, he was left behind and I was already someone else.

Story of Time

The flowers first blossomed then faded. You asked me to wait.
The time neither flew nor stood still for me.

I was time. Behind me nothing existed.

Germany

Nothing to lose, but a country. A lot to leave behind- entire family.
Money in rich countries bring further poverty.
Today I am in Germany and observing this very closely.

Last Lisbon Metro Reading until 2009

People look more beautiful than they are in distance. Her delicate face enchanted me in the crowd. I couldn't just help it; I gazed at her secretly during my entire trip. These were my awkward attempts to get some clues about her life. But her beauty was an obstacle. It shadowed all what was about her. There weren't any clues but her pure beauty before my eyes.

I quit the metro, I quit her world I've never entered.

He

He always wanted to say those in his head, but never got the courage. Holding her hand tightly, he whispered into her ear. Seeing her smile he felt relieved. He freed her from him. He wanted to say more, but it was too late, she wasn't there anymore, she had long gone.

He Said Something

He said something and his words filled her chest with bliss. She could feel the warm blood circulating through her veins. Her heart started beating very fast and then lowered and lowered and lowered.

Holding his hand, she died.

Where in your memories are you?

Going back to Istanbul was more than a trip. it was living through all the past memories once again. First days were sleepless. How could I sleep among all these memories? They kept me awake. They keep me alive. I wondered where in my memories I was left.

What about you? Have you ever thought where in your memories you are?

My silence

I have millions to say, but I am enveloped in my own silence. Silence tells more, but that is something you will never know.

Thousands of Miles for Nothing

I traveled thousands miles to see you. One morning I gained all my courage to head to your direction, but it rained cats and dogs and I remained in hesitation. When will I see you again? Will it help to ease this pain?

These all is in vain.

You

Your most precious words no longer had a meaning for me. I listened to you until the end. You waited for me to say something, but what was there to say? I looked at your beautiful eyes. I realized that they were not beautiful, you turned into someone else I didn't know.

I wish I knew

Wish I was told. By words. From you.
Wish I knew. What. Happened. To you.

Bang! Bang!

Sometimes we just need to cease the pain inside. But, ...Bang! Bang!
I...I shot him and I know I was wrong. I didn't give him a chance to bounce.

I wanted to be the first, I didn't want him to shoot me, didn't want him to make me bleed.
I know he would never do that to me.
I am awfully sorry, but...

I shot him before he shot me.

A Word

A word poured from my mouth, I couldn't catch it and it slided through my fingers, fell on the floor, crashed into millions of pieces.
I have lost my word...

Parts of Me

A part of me shed tears constantly. A part of me ached unceasingly. The other part was given to you. And now what has been left of me?

One part sank in silence, the other in darkness.

Lost

This or that. Neither of them expressed the way I felt. I wrote and then I deleted them all. When I deleted all my feelings embodied in words also were swept away. I scrabbled in search for my feelings and I got lost in the way I lost my words. I guess someone has just deleted me, I wonder who will now find me.

Your Voice

Why didn't I talk to you?

I regret.

Your words were knife-sharp. They cut me and made me bleed. Now your words are buried with you. But you voice has stayed here. With me.

He

I walked through the subway Marques de Pombal Blue Line Station on my way home. As I was climbing the stairs, each step I took reminded me of an unknown future. An unknown future only a couple of minutes away at a place called home.

What bad surprises awaited me I didn't know. Each step drew me closer to an unknown end. Now, I was at the door of my apartment. I was...I was there. I hesitated at first but then unlocked the door. He was there with a sweet smile on his face.

All the worries in my head disappeared.

Lies without Words

Was she so beautifully handsome? Or handsomely beautiful? I couldn't decide. I kept staring at her. She caught my eyes and I pretended; I wasn't look at her. Why do we have to lie all the time? Why couldn't I just continue staring? With words or without words, lies run this world!

Metro Readings: Blindness

The blind man took his steps carefully in the darkness of his world. Outside, the sun was beaming so radiantly. But even that couldn't lighten his world up. His world enveloped him in the darkness and people around him became a part of this darkness: They didn't see him, neither did he see them.

Tomorrow it will be

I ran, I ran and I ran. I ran away whatever you brought to me.
I knew, I knew and I knew. I knew this was the end.
Not now. Not today. But I know tomorrow it will be...

Beautiful

You cut me into pieces, yet I continued to believe it all looked beautiful. Beautiful.

Behind You

Now you ceased to exist in me. The only tie I have with you is my words at the present and your life in my past. Once your life would fill me in with words, now my words empty out what's left behind you.

Women

There are forms of pregnancy. Some women prefer to get pregnant by donors from a sperm bank. Some use men just for that purpose without any commitment. Others get married with Mr. Right. In the last case, in South women get pregnant, men become fathers. In North, both women and men get pregnant and they become parents. And me, between the West and the East and the South and the North, I choose not to be a mother, but a woman.

Who, What, When?

I sometimes doubt: Was that my imagination or the reality that was so sound?
Don't you sometimes feel the memories of our past become sweeter than they were indeed?

We long for unexperienced feelings, whereas the feelings we once felt were always better than today's.

Who will satisfy us? What will satisfy?

When?

Lost Words

Words are floating in my head and some feelings are filling my chest. What am I doing?

Nothing.

The words just can't reach to these lines nowadays. How much I miss to get lost among them...

Today my words are.

But, I wonder:

Where am I?

Reality vs God

I refused to believe in reality-death, but
I chose to believe in an illusion-god. And in the end neither of them helped much:

Reality shattered me into pieces and god never existed.