Pforzheim Hauptbahnof, Germany

The emptiness of my existence was echoing in my ears. I was neither happy nor sad, I was reduced to nothingness. The further I walked away from Pforzheim Hauptbahnof, the further I became away from the rest of the world. I found myself falling into pieces in an endless emptiness.

60 Seconds with You

In my last 60 seconds with you, I crashed against a wall, I fell in an emptiness, I hit the ground, I was shattered; I was in million pieces. But, still I continued to smile.

Everything was so unreal and you had gone with all my memories.

Roads

The roads I chose, the roads you chose, within the same direction, parallel to one another, yet with different people. I glance at you, I am that close to you and I see you. Yes, it could have been me. She could have been me, but I know you are still that close to me...

The only road we didn't take was words. They remained as the road not taken. Both by you and me.

A Man Without a Name

He had such lovely blue eyes. What did they do to you? Why did you go insane? You needed to talk, I listened to you. You needed to be loved, I kissed you. In the lonely streets of Lisbon, I hope all is well with you.

My Mind

My mind is drifting. I see images flying before my eyes and I can't catch any of them. You are in one of them, but I am far from it. I just can't find myself in any of them.

You

While everything around me was running, I stopped to kiss you.
Even my eyes closed I could feel the entire world spinning around me. Once I stopped, you hugged me and I continued my way. I jumped into the running world where I belonged to.
I found myself running with a sweet taste of your kiss. That made me smile and gave me the urge to look back.

But when I looked back, you were left way behind.

I

I breathe a different air, I am under different skies. The tides of my thoughts take me closer to you. When I return and when you find a different person in me, will you still love me?

Very Strange and Very Familiar

All the world was known and I wasn't familiar. Now I am just one of them...

Me at Her Wedding

While these two people were sharing their secrets, their most special feelings, their memories through a few seconds of glimpses, I was between them. I saw, I felt deeply everything they went through. I whispered into my love's ear: "It could have been you..."

At Her Wedding

She was walking through the aisle of the church with her newly-married husband. With a big smile on her face, she was greeting the guests...All familiar faces; friends, family and relatives were looking at her admiringly. There was only one person looking at her differently and another, that was me, observantly. While she was passing through the crowd, she caught a glimpse of him. She wasn't sure what she saw, she looked at him again. There he was, a man whom she loved once.

Nothingness

She never understood what he tried to say. In the middle of nothingness how could he try to mean something? How?

She

It was a trip to find beauties, but she was constantly greeted by poverty, sadness and hopelessness. The day brought nothing to these lost souls. The day brought a lot to her. For them each day was a day of fight, a day to survive. For her each day was to enjoy. Grasping her some-thousand Euro worth camera firmly in her hands, she saw a little boy smiling at her. Thousands of miles, she thought. No landscape, no monument, nothing was worth this much. Her heart ached and later her camera's shutter release was heard.

He and Me

He was the only person who knew who I was, but he was far, far away. I ran to catch up with time, I ran to catch up with him. I failed. Time continued to fly and I was blinded.
When I finally began to see, he was left behind and I was already someone else.

Story of Time

The flowers first blossomed then faded. You asked me to wait.
The time neither flew nor stood still for me.

I was time. Behind me nothing existed.

Germany

Nothing to lose, but a country. A lot to leave behind- entire family.
Money in rich countries bring further poverty.
Today I am in Germany and observing this very closely.

Last Lisbon Metro Reading until 2009

People look more beautiful than they are in distance. Her delicate face enchanted me in the crowd. I couldn't just help it; I gazed at her secretly during my entire trip. These were my awkward attempts to get some clues about her life. But her beauty was an obstacle. It shadowed all what was about her. There weren't any clues but her pure beauty before my eyes.

I quit the metro, I quit her world I've never entered.

He

He always wanted to say those in his head, but never got the courage. Holding her hand tightly, he whispered into her ear. Seeing her smile he felt relieved. He freed her from him. He wanted to say more, but it was too late, she wasn't there anymore, she had long gone.

He Said Something

He said something and his words filled her chest with bliss. She could feel the warm blood circulating through her veins. Her heart started beating very fast and then lowered and lowered and lowered.

Holding his hand, she died.

Where in your memories are you?

Going back to Istanbul was more than a trip. it was living through all the past memories once again. First days were sleepless. How could I sleep among all these memories? They kept me awake. They keep me alive. I wondered where in my memories I was left.

What about you? Have you ever thought where in your memories you are?

My silence

I have millions to say, but I am enveloped in my own silence. Silence tells more, but that is something you will never know.

Thousands of Miles for Nothing

I traveled thousands miles to see you. One morning I gained all my courage to head to your direction, but it rained cats and dogs and I remained in hesitation. When will I see you again? Will it help to ease this pain?

These all is in vain.

You

Your most precious words no longer had a meaning for me. I listened to you until the end. You waited for me to say something, but what was there to say? I looked at your beautiful eyes. I realized that they were not beautiful, you turned into someone else I didn't know.

I wish I knew

Wish I was told. By words. From you.
Wish I knew. What. Happened. To you.

Bang! Bang!

Sometimes we just need to cease the pain inside. But, ...Bang! Bang!
I...I shot him and I know I was wrong. I didn't give him a chance to bounce.

I wanted to be the first, I didn't want him to shoot me, didn't want him to make me bleed.
I know he would never do that to me.
I am awfully sorry, but...

I shot him before he shot me.

A Word

A word poured from my mouth, I couldn't catch it and it slided through my fingers, fell on the floor, crashed into millions of pieces.
I have lost my word...

Parts of Me

A part of me shed tears constantly. A part of me ached unceasingly. The other part was given to you. And now what has been left of me?

One part sank in silence, the other in darkness.

Lost

This or that. Neither of them expressed the way I felt. I wrote and then I deleted them all. When I deleted all my feelings embodied in words also were swept away. I scrabbled in search for my feelings and I got lost in the way I lost my words. I guess someone has just deleted me, I wonder who will now find me.

Your Voice

Why didn't I talk to you?

I regret.

Your words were knife-sharp. They cut me and made me bleed. Now your words are buried with you. But you voice has stayed here. With me.

He

I walked through the subway Marques de Pombal Blue Line Station on my way home. As I was climbing the stairs, each step I took reminded me of an unknown future. An unknown future only a couple of minutes away at a place called home.

What bad surprises awaited me I didn't know. Each step drew me closer to an unknown end. Now, I was at the door of my apartment. I was...I was there. I hesitated at first but then unlocked the door. He was there with a sweet smile on his face.

All the worries in my head disappeared.

Lies without Words

Was she so beautifully handsome? Or handsomely beautiful? I couldn't decide. I kept staring at her. She caught my eyes and I pretended; I wasn't look at her. Why do we have to lie all the time? Why couldn't I just continue staring? With words or without words, lies run this world!

Metro Readings: Blindness

The blind man took his steps carefully in the darkness of his world. Outside, the sun was beaming so radiantly. But even that couldn't lighten his world up. His world enveloped him in the darkness and people around him became a part of this darkness: They didn't see him, neither did he see them.

Tomorrow it will be

I ran, I ran and I ran. I ran away whatever you brought to me.
I knew, I knew and I knew. I knew this was the end.
Not now. Not today. But I know tomorrow it will be...

Beautiful

You cut me into pieces, yet I continued to believe it all looked beautiful. Beautiful.

Behind You

Now you ceased to exist in me. The only tie I have with you is my words at the present and your life in my past. Once your life would fill me in with words, now my words empty out what's left behind you.

Women

There are forms of pregnancy. Some women prefer to get pregnant by donors from a sperm bank. Some use men just for that purpose without any commitment. Others get married with Mr. Right. In the last case, in South women get pregnant, men become fathers. In North, both women and men get pregnant and they become parents. And me, between the West and the East and the South and the North, I choose not to be a mother, but a woman.