All the Universe is Against Me

I sometimes feel all the universe is against me.

I sometimes feel I am the victim of a secret conspiracy.

And today I feel the joke was on me.

One Strange Metro Reading

I saw that young beautiful man reading his book in English. I didn't want to disturb him, but I was curious to death just to be able to see the title of his book; The History of.... Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to find it out, for it was time to get out. In the crowd, I could spot his direction easily. I walked behind his silhouette not noticing that I was walking in the wrong direction.

I fell under the train and I died. Died after my dreams.

If...

If I gave up everything and turned back to you, would I be the same person you loved once?

My Father's Grave

I didn't visit your grave last time I was in Istanbul. Your absence in my life has turned such a great presence in the core of my existence that it didn't make any sense to go to a cemetry. How could you be dead while you're here everyday in my thoughts?

I know your body is rotting there among others, but these feelings held me back. I am still your little daughter, remember? At times, I get scared.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for acting so coward.

Why me?

I sometimes feel I am detached from life and realize how badly I misread it. All I do is to search for a substance for so-called, neatly created pains. Only the times I fail to find one, I feel happy in life. Why me, I would ask to myself. But today it is:

Why not me?